This is a joke. So, who wants to go tanning with me?

I was curious about tanning the other day. Not that I can tan, but I wouldn't complain if it happened. I just thought one session would be nice; heat and light in 10 minutes of doing absolutely nothing, locked away. I google the local Sunburst Tanning and discover I can't take anything with "Diva" in its name seriously, nor do I think I could sit under "guided facial lights." Furthermore, I find the whole thing gross, vain and kind of creepy, as well as the "facts" on the site definitely misleading to one's health. How can people get behind something like that?

*lights cigarette*