Remember when we were 14? We went to go see Good Charlotte, and this was our first real concert in Green Bay. Your mom hung out in back of the Brown County Arena, like a sweetheart. We had a room even, with your dad and Baby Katie along for the fun. I remember adjusting my bandanna in the hotel bathroom mirror. It was fantastic! We met a girl with a fake nose ring, and some older boys who were pretending to be drunk, but we just rocked the fuck out. We weaseled our tiny-teen bodies to the front, and tripped over lost shoes.
The next weekend, the family got a call, and Mom answered. Suddenly, Lare and I found out about what Dad was "up to," very clearly based on the shrieking. You and I were maybe 3 weeks into high school, shortly after your birthday. I watched the big blow-out erupt from my mom, while Dad dehydrated venison jerky cuts, and pretended it wasn't happening. It was a very cataclysmic point in my life, and I'm so glad you were around.
The house went into a complete frenzy. Jo was just a toddler, but Larry ran outside. I ran to my room, and my little brother and I screamed at each other through my screen window, trying to break it open so we didn't have to see our parents, and just get away. We were crying, yelling, and incoherently sputtering at each other. He was 9, fucking 9 years old. Even so young, he said "Just go, Shell! GO!"
The panic and adrenaline kicked in, and I just ran straight down the hall, and bolted out of my house to your house, booking it down the highway.
I made it almost to the corner of K and 47 when my dad picked me up, maybe a mile down the way. It was probably only between 5 and 10 minutes, but in my mind I had been running forever. I climbed into the cab, and he knew right where I wanted to go. I'm so glad you lived so close, and even my battled parents had the presence of mind to figure where I was going.
Dad and I didn't say a word to each other, and he dropped me off on Lynne Street. My mom had called Sara (your fantastic mom) to let you guys know I was coming, and gave the briefest explanation of what was happening. You were just there, outside, calm as Hell, waiting for me. Even at such a young age, you had presence about you. We walked across the field, and sat in the fort/playground behind West School. We didn't really directly talk about "it," just vaguely chatted about angst and existentialism, and you made me feel better. My mom eventually picked me up, too worn down to talk herself.
I am overtired, and getting a little teary and nostalgic. I need you, and you know I'm better at writing than talking, but I am effortless with you.
Leah is hilarious, and smart and spunky, and I know you'd be proud.
Miss you so much, it hurts. I can't wait to see you again, because we always just fall into gabbing like no time has passed.
Texas is too far away. <3
