BRO! Part one.

Quotes from my brother thus far:

Larry: "This my Saturn. Her name is Sheila."
Me: "My friend drives a Saturn, but his GPS is named Sheila."
Larry "Well I don't need that shit, I know the streets. But I bet they'd be friends."

Larry: "I really want to change my voicemail back the Alan Rickman answering machine message [from Family Guy.] Especially since this college keeps trying to call me."

Johanna (my sister) to Leah (my daughter): "Don't be throwing temper tantrums, you don't want to end up like your uncle [Larry.]"
Larry (yelling) "WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT ME?"

My mom's dog, Harley, make horses noises. It's a fact.
Mom to Leah: "Get off the dog, he's not a horse!"
Larry: "What are you talking about? Throw a saddle on him, he'll take you anymore! Need cigs? Harley, gas station!"

Leah is screaming for something she can't have.
Larry: "Oh my God, can we give her a sedative? I have a syringe laying around. Just kidding, I don't do my heroin with needles."

Larry starting to play Super Mario Bros.
"'Welcome to Dinosaur Land?' FUCK, this sounds awful."

Larry: "What did the one lawyer say to the other lawyer?"
Me: "..."
Larry: "Hey, we're both lawyers!"