The SAM System for the Alliterative Alcoholic

As a disclaimer, I feel I should mention we aren't actually alcholics. Obvious reasons for this being a bad life goal aside, we simply do not have the time or money to execute this properly. I also cannot take full credit for this system, as it was a collaboration between myself, Ally and Mitch (ergo SAM), our friend, Seth, and my Baby Uncle, Ethan.

My only woe is that no day of the week begins with "V."

Mexican Monday:
The humble Seth works at Bennigans, which is known for Dollar Corona Sundays. This deal extends after midnight, which is shortly after Chipotle is done closing. Bennigans is a block from work, and has become our after-work haunt for many of my coworkers. Mexican Monday started with a Mango Mojito, as suggested by Seth for the alliteration. This also conviently includes Margaritas and Modelo.

Tequila Tuesday:
Basically, still Mexican Monday.

Whiskey Wednesday:
Aw, yeah.

Thirsty Thursday:
Drinkers choice...so for me, it's still Mexican Monday!

Friday Dry Day:
I know, I know, we are deviating from the alliteration. Consider it Linguistic Liberty. Plus everyone needs a break, right? This was almost Fleischmann's Friday, as suggested Ethan, but he is a dirty, dirty whore with horrible ideas and no one should listen to him. Actually, he's one of my best friends and I love him. But still, bottom shelf vodka? Uh, no. We are striving for classy here, clearly.

Sweet Sangria Saturday:
I aleady have a shameless giggle just thinking about it. Followed by a blinding headache.

Sunday, Bloody, Sunday:
Bloody Marys and Sundays go together like tomato juice and vodka. Also, I've had that song stuck in my head since we came up with this on Monday.


And there you have it. A week's worth of drinking, Toast, cheers, probst, salud, and whatever the French say!

BRO! Part one.

Quotes from my brother thus far:

Larry: "This my Saturn. Her name is Sheila."
Me: "My friend drives a Saturn, but his GPS is named Sheila."
Larry "Well I don't need that shit, I know the streets. But I bet they'd be friends."

Larry: "I really want to change my voicemail back the Alan Rickman answering machine message [from Family Guy.] Especially since this college keeps trying to call me."

Johanna (my sister) to Leah (my daughter): "Don't be throwing temper tantrums, you don't want to end up like your uncle [Larry.]"
Larry (yelling) "WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT ME?"

My mom's dog, Harley, make horses noises. It's a fact.
Mom to Leah: "Get off the dog, he's not a horse!"
Larry: "What are you talking about? Throw a saddle on him, he'll take you anymore! Need cigs? Harley, gas station!"

Leah is screaming for something she can't have.
Larry: "Oh my God, can we give her a sedative? I have a syringe laying around. Just kidding, I don't do my heroin with needles."

Larry starting to play Super Mario Bros.
"'Welcome to Dinosaur Land?' FUCK, this sounds awful."

Larry: "What did the one lawyer say to the other lawyer?"
Me: "..."
Larry: "Hey, we're both lawyers!"